Love will tear us apart;

Thursday, December 29, 2005

hammers and hearts.

i had alot on my mind last night. last night was bad. i was feeling highly irritated at the dinner. the constant singing was pure noise pollution. sorry, but it was bad. if not because it was my grandma's birthday, i would rather have been at jada's house with the rest of the girls. too bad i couldn't go, i think they had a great time and i missed out :((((( but i had a present though. no, make that two. i had one from jada as well. thanks babe love you very much.

huihui me and phongus :)

jada and me :D

too bad i didn't have the time to take pictures with shou and jasmine. and i didnt even get to see the rest.

anyway, back to last night. i really wanted to blog about everything i was thinking of. i don't think i can rmb every single detail of my thoughts now though. i had too many. my mum pissed me off. this morning she was in a bad mood and started yelling like nobody's business. wtf. i had to clean up my room with my ipod blasting in my ears. and what's the whole deal abt my studies. just zip already.

i wanted to blog abt this year. i don't know if it was a good or a bad one. maybe somewhere in between. the year passed so fast, i don't even know what the hell i achieved. it kinda seems i'm heading in no direction. i don't know what i'm doing and i don't know what i want to do. i'm just like a lost sheep waiting for someone to find me. i gained and i lost. i gained new friends whom i'm very thankful for this year. some are like the closest friends i have now, and they have been helping me throughout this year. friends are so very important. i'd die without them. now, i think friendships are fragile. i've been through a few rough patches this year and honestly, i hate it when stuff like that happens between good friends. i always have no clue on what i'm going to do to solve the problem or how to. but thankfully i have great friends who are forgiving and understanding. they make me realise how much they mean to me. yeah so if you all read this, thank you. i love you all to bits :)

i've got what i've always wished for. because i never thought stuff like that would ever fall into my hands. yeah, for one good period of this year i was feeling pure bliss and love. probably the biggest surprise of my whole life, just a pity everything had to end. i'm not feeling sad over anything, i told myself i won't cause it ain't gonna bring me anywhere. God had his reasons for letting me go through that phase. it let me realise that maybe what i really want isn't the best for me, so i'm gonna leave it all to Him. i'll just pray that God will lead me. thats a closed chapter now.

drifting friendships are hard to deal with. i don't know. how come at one period of time i could talk to them abt almost everything, but now i just can't. maybe its just me. it probably is, since i find it hard to open up to people nowadays. i'd rather keep everything to myself and rant when i can't take it. even my close friends whom i would tell almost everything to, i'm sorry. it just seems that certain unnecessary thoughts of mine are not worth talking abt. and i really think i'm not like someone significant anyway, so if i just shut myself up nobody will notice.

this is a really depressing entry to end off the year. i hate it when the year ends and we think back to reflect. i hate endings, its like something pessimistic, with a note of sadness attached. of course there are happy endings but the word 'end' just has that kind of effect. i think my name suits me quite well. i prefer beginnings, or new starts. haha. okay i think this a rather long entry. i shall go do some blogthings.

12:35 PM;